THAT CHICKEN AGAIN

Why it crossed the road:

Jessica Simpson: Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean? Homer Simpson: There was free beer on the other side of the road. Homer Simpson 2: Because they're stupid that's why! Why does anybody do anything? Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Snoop Dogg: This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'. Charles Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads. (former) Iraq Information Minister: There is no such chicken trying to cross the road, and there never has been any such chicken. Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. Johnny Cochran: Because the road was black and the chicken was white. We must acquit. Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please? Chuck Norris: Because I threw it. Jack Bauer: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette. O.J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time. Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. Jack Nicholson: You WANT that chicken on the road. You NEED that chicken on the road. You're just too much of a chicken to be on that road YOURSELF! Bill Gates: It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road. The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that. Mel Gibson: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road? Because its a (censored) Jew. Jews think they can just (censored) cross the street whenever they want. Jewish chickens are responsible for all the wars in the world...are you a Jew?? Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Massive Internal Hemorraging!

From: http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

This may be my final post for a while. I've been having really bad computer issues, I almost gave up, and I have resolved the issue enough to get online, but I can't run any of my programs. I'm going on about 5% free disc space right now and everything is so unstable...it really sucks! And I can't do any work which is the worst part. The last few days have felt kinda lonely and empty, my hands feel restless, it's a strange feeling to actually miss something that is cold and lifeless. Maybe that's telling me I'm way too attached and I need to take a break. I don't know... I haven't had a very good week. I failed the bus road test on Tuesday...the whole thing was a bad experience and has left me with some trust issues. The thing is, I didn't really feel like I was ready for the test and I told my instructor that at least 3 times. I had 4 days of road training and I didn't have a problem with the driving part it was putting the procedures together with the driving and practicing doing it all together that I didn't get the chance to do. And I didn't feel confident, I even told my instructor what I thought my weak points were, and he ppfftt'ed me and said I was ready. Well, those things were the things I did wrong when it came down to it. There were things on the test that were never even brought to my attention, and the government test guy, excuse my vowel language, was an A-HOLE!! ha ha. I just made that up! Anyways, he wasn't even supposed to talk to me during the test, and at one point he actually made me pull over and told me he's been doing this testing for 16 years and he couldn't believe I went to the test not knowing the proper procedures. And before we left, he had said that he would be testing me on a railway crossing, he didn't know which kind, controlled /uncontrolled country etc, I had to do the proper procedure for the one we went to. So all fine, it ended up being an uncontrolled. I put the bus in neutral, put on the parking brake, shut down the noise, opened the window and the door, listened and looked, told him it was safe to proceed and I was going to do so, I did everything right! And he failed me because I should have told him that had there been an obstructed view of the tracks, that I should have told him the procedure for that, which means taking out the keys and getting off the bus, blah blah blah. SO THAT IS CRAP!! I did the proper procedure for the tracks he brought me to, which was his original instruction. And to top it off, he even wrote on the test at the end that I DIDN'T OPEN THE DOOR OF THE BUS AT THE TRAINTRACKS WHICH IS ALSO BULLCRAP!!!! So now I am out $65 for the test that I wasn't even ready for and for the first time in a long time I have failed. And I think he even got pleasure out of telling me at the end, while pointing out the huge x on the results section of the test paper with his shiny pen, "YOU FAILED!!!"! And I am angry that I was put out there for the test when I told him I didn't feel confident and told him I needed extra time. I didn't ever take the position lightly, I would be responsible for many little tiny lives. It really bothers me that people don't listen to me!! I know myself. I know my limitations and I know my needs. And I'm not trying to lay blame, but I'm saying for the record that the results were indicitive of the training. I did my best and everyone is telling me to jump back in and take it again but I'm hestitant to work for a place that would try to put me out on the road test when I had less than 10 hours of training and never even picked up or used the radio. I think that is a safety issue in itself. So, I am just taking some time to think about it. I don't know what I should do. I might try going to another bus company. We'll see. What I really want to do is work from home but it's just not possible unless I get a new computer I can rely on. Life isn't fair sometimes.

Well, I'm not going to end this off on a sour note...

Here's a joke !!

An Italian Gentleman

A virile, middle aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian."

Ahhh!

I'm taking my class 2 road test tomorrow at 9:30 am!!!!

(Wish me luck....please!!! I'm a little nervous! Not with my driving skills, but with all the procedures!)

Gordon, my instructor, says I'm ready - so I'm sure I am, but being slightly perfectionist, I mess up when I get nervous or do something wrong...that's what worries me...

but check back tomorrow for the results, I'll let y'all know how it goes!

Words of Wisdom...and an Angel!

Tomorrow is not a promise...

It is a chance!

This morning I was reading Chars blog, and lately she has been sharing stories about angel encounters. So I thought I'd share one of mine!

A long time ago when I was about 19 years old, I was working alone as a cashier at a Petro Canada gas station. It was a Friday night and the customers were streaming in so steadily that I didn't even have time to sit down and take a coffee break. I was grumbling and tired, everytime I tried to grab a coffee or have a smoke break I was instantly interrupted and couldn't wait for my shift to end, or the customers to stop, whichever came first.

Finally, a bit of rest came. I walked out the door into the darkness and saw one of the employees from the video store that adjoining our building and he was walking my way, grim look on his face. I told him if he wanted anything he would have to wait until I was done my smoke. He looked at me kinda funny and said "You are SOOO lucky!"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

This was his response:

"You were just THIS close to having a gun shoved in your face!"

He explained that a few minutes earlier, when the store was still spewing customers, he had just been told to take his break, so he came over to hang out with me.

As he left the building, he saw 2 old friends that he hadn't seen in a long time hanging out around the corner outside of the station, and they had a gun. They told my friend that they were waiting outside the store because they were planning on robbing me, but there were so many people coming in and out they were still waiting for their chance. I guess they even said how they would shove the gun in my face and scare me. Well my friend/neighbor told them right away, "NO! Not Wendy, I know her! Don't do this to her", and somehow he managed to talk them into leaving empty handed. But these 2 guys had been waiting for hours, and were split seconds away from carrying out their plan.

So my friend Chris was my angel that day, he came outside at exactly the moment they were on their way in to rob me, or possibly worse...I get goosebumps to this day. I often wonder...what would have happened if he hadn't have been at the right place at the right time!

Cool Pic!

This wicked picture was taken in the desert from overhead. If you look closely at the picture, the camels are actually white and what you are looking at are actually their shadows.

It feels like winter!

What a cruel way to be woken up...freezing rain and a brisk wind. Not a good combination when your kids ride bikes to school. The inevitability of the box coming out is killing me! I mean the box that is full of jackets, snowpants, boots, mittens, hats, scarves, gloves, in which there is 50 of everything and nothing that matches even remotely. When this box comes out of my closet I can kiss my floors goodbye. Nice to know ya, see you in the spring! Well actually my vacuum is broken right now so maybe this will work out in some weird kind of way. There was snow forecasted for today and I am praying it won't, because I'm supposed to do another round of bus driver training at 9am tomorrow. Snow is the LAST thing I need! For many reasons. Actually, my driver training is going very well. I've only had 2 days on the road so far, but I'm pretty comfortable. And I only have to do the test in the big bus, then I'll have a small one to drive on a regular basis. My instructor wants me to take the road test on Monday, I said we'll see how it goes tomorrow. I still need to practice pulling close enough to the curb, and I tell ya, pulling 6-8 inches from the curb in a big bus exactly parallel in the front and back is not that easy. I think I made like 3 out of 10 attempts...but I can do it, I just need more practice. Other than that not much else is new. The kids are back into their routine, and have actually been TIRED at bedtime...this is good! Some sanity has returned to our home. I am also in a great place in my personal life and feel very lucky to have a great relationship! The first time I made him dinner, I got burnt making french fries in oil, one of the fries exploded right on my wrist as I dropped it in the cooker...to this day I still have this scar in the shape of a heart! Is this a sign??

The wheels of the bus go round and round...

Yesterday I did my first driving lesson on the school bus! Gordon, my instructor picked me up at my house. He had me do an inspection and then told me to hop in the drivers' seat and head back to the bus yard. Now, I've never driven a bus before and I was all, like "HUH!!". I figured I would do some practicing in an empty ol lot or something first and I was quite unprepared for this request. However, without much hestiation I jumped into the drivers seat and snapped into my seatbelt. I did really well, I only hit one or two curbs trying to navigate my turning radius and there were no little children that were in immediate danger at any time. Yay me! It was kinda strange at first being eye to eye with truckers on the Yellowhead, but that was kinda neat at the same time, It's a whole different perspective up there. So Gordon only gasped at my driving twice, and I spent about 4 hours getting used to the bus, I'm doing Country and Railroad crossings training today and I'll probably practice a little more on the backing up. Anyway, I'm feelin pretty good about taking the test in a few days, so I'll update more later.

I am so knowlegable!

Today I went and wrote the written *knowledge exam* for my class 2 license...

Yay me, I passed!!

That means as soon as I pass the road test I will be a School Bus Driver.

Wow.

Eye Candy

• Digital photo restorations
• Signs
• Corporate Identity
• Office Forms
• Web graphics
• Web design
• Illustrations &
• Animations

Links to the websites I have designed:

http://www.kithncousin.com

http://www.keyholeministry.com

Motherly Woes

The First Day of School I walked my daughter to her class and being that I dropped the boys off first, by the time we got there Breannas classmates were almost all there, only 2 empty desks remained.

As I walked in I noticed the boy to the left.

He claimed Breanna as his woman last June and made no secret to hide it around me. The kid must wear holes in his retinas staring her down whenever she's around, and I wondered if it would perchance happen that he'd be around again this year.

Well Breanna walked in the door and the kids face went like, blank. his eyes locked on Breanna who was scanning the room for her desk. She was pretending not to notice him, acting completely oblivious to everything and everyone around her, red face flushed.

So then I notice that of the 2 empty desks in the room, Breanna is right next to the boy. The teacher was already starting to talk to the class. I kept telling Breanna to come and sit down but she kept saying "HUH!??" "Hurry up!" I told her, "The teacher is already starting!" Then she walked in a circle, saying she didn't know where her desk was. I pointed it out, and she looked... trying so hard not to even look at the boy but I could tell her heart was pounding, SHE KNEW!! I've never seen her get flustered like that.

Well, she went and sat down, I lingered at the door for a minute, because I wanted to see her face when their eyes finally would meet...but she was cool as a cucumber, hands folded neatly in front of her, eyes fixated on the teacher. "Darn," I thought and turned and walked out the door. But as soon as I closed the door behind me, I quickly turned and snapped a picture through the window just hoping for a nice candid shot of the class.

Well, this is the result:

Get this!

By the time I had closed the door behind me, Breanna is already turned towards him, finger twirling her hair. He's leaned right over and there are (count them) 6 other kids staring at them who are STARING AT EACH OTHER!!

I stood and watched them for another minute and then had to walk away, shaking my head. Later on that night, I asked her "So does *J* still think you're his woman?" She says "Weeeell, YA! Actually he does!". I smiled and teased, "Just remember, NO KISSING". "Ewww", she said and squinched up her nose. "You are a good girl", I said! Then I asked "So what would you do if *J* kissed you?"

She said "I would do NOTHING!"

I asked "You would do nothing? And just let him kiss you?"

And she just smiled all slyly. She said she was joking but after seeing the picture I'm really quite sure that I'm not convinced.

Extraordinarily bad luck

Two nights ago I was watching a show about this guy who filmed bears and spent most of his life and time out in the wild getting to know all about them, and eventually this guy was eaten by a huge, mean bear that he had seen around and tried to "befriend"... There were a few people there and I offhandedly remarked that would be the "Crocodile Hunter" one day... Well this morning as I read the internet news I found that is exactly what happened. Steve Irwin was killed by a deadly stingray that pierced his ribcage and through his heart. "While excruciatingly painful, stings are rarely fatal, Collin said. Collin said he suspected Irwin died because the barb pierced under his ribcage and directly into his heart. "It was extraordinarily bad luck. It's not easy to get spined by a stingray and to be killed by one is very rare," Collin said." I guess you just can't tame mother nature. Or think you can control it. Or however you wanna put it...These guys went up against the odds and some of the deadliest creatures that roam this earth. Out of love...or passion...or the adrenaline rush when you do something you're scared to do...whatever the reason they did it and they ended up dying doing it. I started to ask myself why people would do these kinds of things and then I thought about me! I've done crazy dangerous things. Skydiving was one of them, probably 24 hours on a mountain alone was another. Add in hitchhiking when I was younger and really really naive, running away with my friend Jenn and staying in the Dover Hotel (which was like a biker bar when we were like 14 or 15), Doing 14 Whisky shooters in a row and drinking straight from the 60 oz bottle the second time I got drunk. I think I did clinically die the next day, but I had to go to work.. (I guess some higher up thought that my position as Salad Bar Girl couldn't go unstationed because here I am today!) I even think my ex marriage could also go into this catagory of crazy stupid dangerous things. And the more I think about it I could go on for days. Is this any different from what the Crocodile Hunter did...Other than the fact that I have never like, baited myself for attraction and went into a murky croc swamp to wrestle and subdue a 14 foot monster, or walked barefoot around poisonous snakes, or jumped into a pool of stingrays. I've pushed my own limits, and though I had a bad spell of it for a while, I have refused to, and have not succumbed to fear. I just HOPE this doesn't make me a target, like those other guys. RIP Crocodile Hunter!!

Why I love Taylor

I recently posted Ode to T-dot...well this is a story I took from her blog cus I wanted to share my laugh with everyone...Taylor is very blunt and doesn't take crap from ANYONE! "Well... I'm kinda rethinking my move to a small town. Today I was out for an appointment, and there was a ... dissheveled looking man who I would guess to be in his 50's. Actually he kinda reminded me of Hulk Hogan, platinum hair and all... except this guys hair was longer I think, and he wasn't buff and he was dirty. Anyhow... The guy was telling the lady at the desk that he couldn't stay for his appointment because he had another appointment that he had to go to... but could his cousin ( a woman who looked like she crawled out of a dumpster) stay for the appointment instead of him. The lady at the desk said no. So Hulk went outside, then in he came again... he was upset because they just didn't understand and could he speak to a manager. Well the manager comes out and is listening to the man ( and at this point I am totally captured by this odd display) and the manager stops the man and says... "Wait, now, is this your cousin or your wife?" and the man replies, very exasperated......... BOTH!!!!!!She's my cousin and my wife. Well... I couldn't take it... I burst out laughing... which was very rude, but I just couldn't help it. Now I am laughing HARD, like stomach hurt kinda laugh. And this man looks at me, looks over to his cousin-wife and says "Babies having babies". Well that got me going even harder, and now Kayden (my son) is starting to laugh too. I am now crossing my legs for fear of wetting my pants, clutching my stomach and crying and not even making noise I am laughing so hard... Somehow I manage to get out the words... (this was very brazen-even for me) "H-h-how d-do you circumcise a r-r-edneck?" Then a young man who was also sitting and waiting, says "Kick his cousin in the chin!" Well, now I lose it... I am struggling to breathe, I mean really gasping for air... and I'm not gonna lie... I think a little pee came out. So then the manager who is standing there with a professional expression on his face cracks a smile, and starts to giggle... yes, the manager who should stay professional was giggling. Well Hulk and Dumpster Lady stomp out, clearly offended. After they leave the manager comes over to me... which at this point I am sprawled back over the chair going "Oh God... No more.. it's hurts... no more!" And asks if I need a glass of water... which at that point was even funnier. I needed about 20 minutes to calm down before I could even speak. But it wasn't just me laughing... some of the girls in the back came out to see what the commotion was about, so the manager takes them back and tells them... and all I know is they went back there, then about 3 minutes later, I heard about 10 people erupt in laughter. God.. that was PRICELESS!!! It is now 2 hours later, and my stomach still hurts. This was the single most funniest thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life. And there I was with out a video camera... damn!"

Too funny Tay, wish I was there...you rock!

Me!? A Bus Driver??

Today I'm going to a job interview...

For none other than a... School Bus Driver.

Go figure. My neighbor has been trying to talk me into it for months, so I thought I'd give it a try. Can you see it? I mean, I have a flawless driving record, and I have driven just about everything else, but I never thought I'd drive a bus.

I'm sure I'll have LOTS of stories...kids say and do the most priceless things.

My boyfriend said if I get this job he can call me "Otto", and I told him if he did, well, lets just say it wouldn't be pretty.

One time, he said if he was a pirate, he would want me to be his Salty Sea Squaw...and I was a little offended, but he assured me it was in the most affectionate of context...but lets just say I would prefer salty sea squaw over Otto!

Anyhoo...Wish me luck, I'd imagine they want me to start next week when most schools start here...

Hopefully this won't be me...

But officer it was an emergency...They all

said they needed to pee, I HAD to find a

bathroom, fast!

I'll let you know how it goes! :)