An Amazing Feat!

My little man at the dentist today. He conquored his fear of the dentist and had a filling done without total sedation, he's had to be put right to sleep before. I begged him to just get one of them done right then and there and he would see it wouldn't be that bad, and reminded him how much bigger and stronger and tougher that he is now. He decided at the last moment to just go for it and he did awesome, even said it was not that bad! I didn't believe this day would ever come. It didn't come easy though, when I was done with the pleading I had to revert to the sure-fire alternative. Cold Hard Cash. 10 bucks. But he did it. And said he'd go back for the other 2. What a little man! He said the sweetest thing today:

"In a way I want to grow up. Because I will get to make all the rules and I can do what I want. But in a way, I don't want to grow up. I don't think it'd really be that fun to ride your bike when you're older... And Cus when you're a kid you really don't have to do anything but have fun and go places and meet people. And I have got to go to so many places and do so many fun things and try so many things, that I think I'd like it to stay this way forever"

Aww.

My Peeps

Breanna and Goldie relaxin on a lazy day

Tough Guys!

Yo Momma so Poor...

MY FAVORITES:

Yo momma's so poor I went to the park and stepped on a lit ciggerette and she said "Who turned off the heat?"

Yo momma so poor when I asked, what's for supper, she kicked off her shoes and socks and said, CORN!!!

Yo momma so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut.

I love this picture!

My mom and us kids when we were small, I must be about 3 1/2 years old here!

Walking on the Sunshine

I've been pretty depressed lately about the way my life is going. It has been one major event after another, I don't know when it will ever end. The other day I was at the doctor and he asked if I had ever thought about writing a book- I've heard that a lot and I've even considered it, this blog is even maybe a little book of me in itself. But sometimes it's just really hard to talk about myself, usually something is going on that is so totally huge that I blog to put it out of my head and I can't put it out to the world until I've figured it out myself. And there is so much I need to figure out!!

It's been 10 years since I started making the worst decisions of my life that have put me where I am now. I know I have no one to blame but myself. I know only I can be the person to make those change happen. I can control what I do, say, think, act but it is the actions of others and the effect it has on my life, and things I can't control that are holding me back.

I'm fighting to end the farce of a marriage I had, He is not making it easy, actually he is making it a whole lot more difficult and stalling every chance he gets. His family knows everything and has lied and covered to protect him. He breaks the rules every chance he gets and he gets away with it. I think he's on crack. The worst thing is that I have to deal with him for the REST OF MY LIFE. What was I thinking??

exhibit A

So, now that I'm nearly rid of the above, someone else comes waltzing BACK into my life and asks to be a part of my life and to just "figure things out" a day at a time kind of thing. Just "start by being friends". This person who completely abandoned me and my son 10 years ago. Now he's back, and has admitted he made mistakes and bad choices and doesn't know how to fix it but would like to try to make a start - to the complete and utter horror of the person I'm now with who is talking about making future plans and the commitment thing when I'm totally not ready to even think about that and I'm not even divorced yet. (See Exhibit "A")

Then I have tons of work that I just can't do much of with my broke back. It gets worse every day to the point I am having nerve damage and body parts going numb, Likelyhood of surgery in the next couple of weeks. But I'm more afraid of living the rest of my life in this pain and having zero quality of life than having the operation. I'll know on April 3 when I see the surgeon. Until then I have narcotics. LOTS of narcotics. And Ativan. So even though it is the first bit of relief I have had in a looong time, I recognize that it is to the detriment of my decision making at a time when I can't afford to unwittingly make ANOTHER bad choice. I can't trust my own judgement in the throes of legal battle, making choices that will affect my kids for the rest of their lives. But what can I do? Absolutely nothing. Sit, and stand. And sit, and stand. And sit, and stand (because it hurts to do both) and wonder when it will ever get back to normal, and if I even know what normal is. And because my eyes are not blind to the world I know there could be a chance I may not get through this operation as expected. I have to be ready for any outcome. My life is nothing I ever expected or dreamed it to be but it has been colorful. I have walked a lot. I have been to so many places and experienced so many people and things and lessons.

I have a favorite day that sticks out in my head, and although it was at a time I was at my worst lowest point in my life, I just took a day for me. I was in BC and I had an appointment in Vancouver at 9 am. I managed to catch a ride to Surrey and hopped the skytrain to Vancouver, only having been in Burnaby twice and with Mike driving. Anyways after my appointment I just walked around downtown window shopping, checking out all the cool buildings and parks, architecture and culture then headed over to Stanley Park. I think I walked around the whole park, stopping to admire everything I could that . I sat on the big wall with my legs hanging over, watching the ferries come and go, the sailboats, the incredible skyline of Vancouver. I lost time and by the time I left I was totallsoaked from mist. I missed my 5 pm ride from Surrey and didn't get home until 8:30 pm and everyone was sick with worry and furious with me for not calling but I didn't care. I was totally free that day. I stopped to smell all the flowers. I walked so much that day, I've never walked so much in my life but I remember feeling like I was walking on the sunshine. So that's my favorite day. And it's actually nice to remember right now!

And a joke to end:

Two surgeons and a dermatologist were sitting around a table having lunch when the two surgeons suddenly burst out in laughter.

"What's so funny?" asks the dermatologist?

"You wouldn't get it" says the one surgeon, "It's an inside joke!"

Energy

Last night I had a night of freedom from motherhood, and the car... so I decided to go for a drive to a nice spot on the riverbank. I took a batch of pictures of the Edmonton skyline and I'm not sure what happened here because all the other pics turned out fine-but it looks totally freakin' cool!

It looks to me like I captured the energy of our beautiful city!

I have a Leprechaun Name!

Leprechaun Name Your Leprechaun Name is Bonzi O'Callaghan Get Your Leprechaun Name at Quizopolis.com

Kids these days!!

I have to vent. This afternoon, Tyler was out just on the block when a couple of other kids came over, pushed him down, kicked him, threatened him and stole his bike. Grrrr. I am furious. Craig jumped in his truck and I in my car and if I would have found them myself I don't know what I'd have done. But thank goodness, Craig found them, chased them down, put the fear of God into them and retrieved the bike. He says they were only about 12 or 13 years old. Grrr. I think this area is getting a lot worse, maybe time to think about moving. Not that I want to, but I can't even let my kids play on our own block without being harassed and have things going missing out of our yard- The sad thing is that is all a bunch of little pre-teen native kids who we've had all the problems with. Last fall one stole Ty's skateboard a couple of times. The last time I walked right up to a ground floor apartment balcony and took it back. There was a dad or someone there and he didn't say or do a thing. I ask what is wrong with the kids but I have a good feeling someone should be asking the parents. It makes me sick!

Happy Birthday to my big bro!

Today is my big brother Ryans 35th birthday, He was born in the days of sideburns and Elvis.

Ryan is one year older than me but I usually kept up. Or I tried my hardest! He was always doing something when he was little, like disassembling all my dolls and barbies into pieces, torturing me with bugs, sicking dogs on me on the way to school, telling on me...usual sibling stuff I guess. I've decided to compile a "Best of" List:

Grossest thing I ever saw:

Ryan was claiming his devotion to a girl but she wouldn't give him the time of day unless he "proved it", which meant eating Ju-Jubes that she spit on and threw into the dirt. He was maybe in kindergarten or grade 1, and I was pretty grossed out and tried to talk him out of it, but the first one was green and he said "mmm, greens my favorite...it's just a little dirt"

Worst Rat-Out:

Ryan ratted me out for going to meet Corey O'Brien in grade 5 which ended up being the first time I was kissed by a boy. When I got home I was grounded for 2 weeks.

Worst time in trouble:

It's a long story in which the blame lays mostly on me but Ryan got it too cus he went along with it. My mom left a $20 bill on a chair in the living room and it was I, maybe 5 years old who came across it and had the bright idea of taking Ryan and all of our friends to the store. This is in the 70's, when a bag of chips or a chocolate bar was 25 cents. So me, Ryan, Tim, Ernie and Paul walked down to the corner store and I said since I found the money I would let them each get one thing and one thing only. So we all bought one thing. And I was left with like 19.00 in change and no good explanation for what I had just done. Once we were out of the store and I was left holding all the money, my concience went crazy and I told Ryan what I did. We decided the best thing to do was get rid of the evidence. The closest thing around? A big green garbage bin!! About 2/3 full. Later that day, or maybe even the next, my mom was questioning if any of us knew what happened to the money and it all came out. My mom was furious. It was money for Ryans birthday present. She marched us down to the bin and made Ryan hop in and search for it. Then when we got home we got our first dose of wooden spoon.

Scariest Moment:

Anytime Ryan was driving and I was a passenger. He makes me nervous.

Funniest Moment:

Ryan and I moved out when I was still in high school. We had a housewarming party and someone had the bright idea of buying a texas mickey of whisky! Well, Ryan was smashed, everyone else was smashed...that night was also a puke-o-rama, but I'll spare you the details. Well after everyone was gone I couldn't find Ryan, but I could hear the cat crying. I found him and the cat behind the recliner chair in the corner, and he was holding the cat down, who was trying to get away and he was saying "shhh. shh...you're going to hate me in the morning!". I don't know what that meant but I dragged Ryan out and rescued the cat. Then I tried to help Ry to bed. But as we went through his bedroom door he knocked over his dresser and tripped at the same time, he took me down with him, I landed on top of him and the dresser on top of both of us. I was trying to get up when I felt Ry start dry heaving and I looked down into his face. Right before he spewed I turned his face away from me and held it so he wouldn't puke on me, but it was puddled all around us. Then he passed out. I had to just lay him in it and leave until I worked up enough strength to pick him up. It wasn't really that funny then. But it's darned funny now!

Proudest Moment:

Everytime I see what a good dad you are to your kids!!

Worst ouch:

Once when we were riding our bikes to school he started chasing me with a stick. I took off as fast as I could but he got the better of me when he decided to poke the stick through the spokes of my tires. I went almost straight over the handlebars and got the wind knocked out of me SOOOO bad before I hit the road. I was furious.

Well Ryan, can you believe we're this old now!! And we have kids of our own?? My newest best memory was this past Christmas, when we went to dads for dinner...

"Sal AAAD? Would you like some salAAD?"

It was so funny to be sitting at the table with you and Jill giggling away about that. I felt like we were all kids again and everytime I think about it I still laugh! We have a lot of good memories and maybe one day we'll live in the same town long enough to have more! You're too far away big bro.

Hope you have an awesome birthday,

Love your Wendell

W.O.W

Marry not a tennis player-

For love means nothing to them!

Eagles Eye View

This sketch was a love hate relationship. When I first started it I thought it was crap. Then the other day I picked it up and did a little tweaking around the eyes...and voila! I already gave it to Booie but had to make a copy for myself!

I thought I had problems!

discovered at http://www.galwayfirst.ie/donkey/

A man who was found dressed in latex and handcuffs brought a donkey to his room in a Galway city centre hotel, because he was advised “to get out and meet people,” the local court heard last week.

Thomas Aloysius McCarney with an address in south Galway was charged with cruelty to animals, lewd and obscene behaviour, and with being a danger to himself when he appeared before the court on Friday. He was also charged with damage to a mini-bar in the room, but this charge was later dropped when the defendant said that it was the donkey who caused that damage.

Solicitor for the accused Ms Sharon Fitzhenry said that her client had been through a difficult time lately and that his wife had left him and that his life had become increasingly lonely.“Mr McCarney has been attending counselling at which he was told that he would be advised to get out and meet people and do interesting things. It was this advice that saw him book into the city centre hotel with a donkey,” she said. She added that Mr McCarney also suffered from a fixation with the Shrek movies and could constantly be heard at work talking to himself saying things like “Isn’t that right, Donkey?”

Supt John McBrearty told the court that Mr McCarney who had signed in as “ Mr Shrek” had told hotel staff that the donkey was a family pet and that this was believed by the hotel receptionist who the supt said was “young and hadn’t great English. ” Receptionist Irina Legova said that Mr McCarney had told her that the donkey was a breed of “super rabbit” which he was bringing to a pet fair in the city. The court was told that the donkey went berserk in the middle of the night and ran amok in the hotel corridor, forcing hotel staff to call the gardai. McCarney was found in the room wearing a latex suit and handcuffs, the key to which the donkey is believed to have swallowed.

He was removed to Mill St station after which it is said he was the subject of much mirth among the lads next door in The Galway Arms.He was fined €2,000 for bringing the donkey to the room under the Unlawful Accommodation of Donkeys Act 1837. Other charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

Color Quiz

Go to colorquiz.com and try it.

This color quiz astounds me every time!!!

These are my latest test results:

Your Existing Situation:

Active, outgoing, and restless. Feels frustrated by the slowness with which events develop along the desired lines. This leads to irritability,changeability, and lack of persistence when pursuing a given objective.

Your Stress Sources:

Wishes to be independent, unhampered, and free from any limitation or restriction, other than those which she imposes of herself or by her own choice and decision.

Your Restrained Characteristics:

Feels cut off and unhappy because of the difficulty in achieving the essential degree of cooperation and harmony which she desires.

Willing to become emotionally involved as she feels isolated and alone. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense, though she tries to avoid open conflict.

Your Desired Objective:

Seeks the determination and elasticity of will necessary to establish herself and to make herself independent despite the difficulties of her situation. Wants to overcome opposition and achieve recognition.

Your Actual Problem:

Strongly resists outside influence and any interference with her freedom to make her own decisions and plans. Works to establish and strengthen her own position.

Now is that me or what? That's so scary...but cool. I've told a few people about this site before but I should warn you to refrain from it if you've consumed alcohol. Cus well I gave the test to Craig on Friday night after he'd been drinkin with the by's. And his results kinda scared me, now it could have been that he wasn't reading so well in the dark-well dimmed room, and he'd been drinking and maybe even at first thought it was a game, so, anyways, do it during a break, or with coffee! :) I guess I won't hold it against him.

The Color of Candy

Garfield w/electric guitar and Odie, Waterproof Marker on Copy Paper,

By: Shay, March 4, 2007 aww look how he spelled Owdy!

This past weekend as the kids and I tried to make the best of being sick & feeling like crap, I decided to go out and get them a sketch book and a pack of big, bright, brand new felt pens!!! OOh OOh! theres nothing better than a blank piece of paper and brand new felts! Anyways after I got the kids set up I went to go do my dishes. Standing there at the sink I hear Breanna say::

B- What's your favorite Color, Shay?

S- (no answer)

B- What's your favorite Color, Shay? I want to make a picture for you, what's your favorite color?

S- Uh....(long silence as he's pondering)...The color of candy.

B- Pffft. Candy IS NOT a COLOR, Candies are all different colors

S- I know! They're all my favorite colors, All the candies!

* I LOVE overhearing this stuff *

But I think Shay was really onto something deep there. He's like me in a lot of ways and can think abstract. I think that's cool! So for the past few days of misery it has come across my mind a few times and I really do think a lot of Candies have way cool colors! For example:

Double bubble bubblegum with the cartoon inside: That's a really nice pink. But as with the flavor, the color doesn't last either.

* Unless of course you fix that, like me, by similtaneously chewing 38 pieces of it at one time to try to either make OR break some kind of record. Seriously. In Grade 12. Besides the obvious facial pain I felt for a week, the sugarwedges up my gums, almost choking to death because I had to leave most of it hanging down the back of my throat just to chew what was in my mouth... Hey it was fun! It was high school. You do those kinds of things when you're young. Erin and I both did it, and tried to convince our teacher that we couldn't spit it out because we were going to keep going, but she made us toss our wads. She put the garbage can at the front of our row and made us walk to it. The class was pretty much silent- we had the peer support, I think everyone was kinda sad our record breaking dreams would be quashed, and an even deeper silence as each wad hit the bottom of the metal can with a solemn "Gong". Anyways, my teeth were that awesome color of pink for dayyys!

Blue Whales: That's "Summer" Blue! And a cool color to wear or color with!

Green Lifesavers: It's just a happy, pretty green, and it's kinda seethrough and shiny after you start to eat it

Jolly Ranchers, Cherry Red: A nice dark, rich red, like passion

Well I could go on, but I actually have things I need to get done before the peeps need to be picked up. But if you can think of some cool candy colors let me know, maybe I'll make a project out of this.

Eclipse

I was hoping to see this tonight but got so wrapped up in cleaning my house that I forgot to even try to view it, I heard we wouldn't probably see it at all here. The one at the end of the month will best be seen by the west coast so I might have better luck then. The last time I remember an eclipse was when I lived in Abbotsford. I was driving to Seven Oaks Mall and I heard on the radio that it was happening, so I found a place to pull over. I just turned off the car and my cell rang, it was James. I asked him if he was watching and he said yes he was out in his yard. At that moment we both burst into a rendition of Total Eclipse of the Heart and had a then we had a good laugh. It's actually the only eclipse I *remember* seeing since I was little and had to wear those freaky classes the schools handed out, but I'm sure that was a solar eclipse anyway. We had to watch a movie in class that put fear into every child in the class of looking directly into the light. Except me. I didn't appreciate it much then and I did sneak a look up at it, eyes squinted cus the glasses were too dark and I wanted to see what it really looked like. Cory G. told me I'd go blind. I guess I was a rebel at heart even at that tender age.

Dolphin Boat

I think my nephew Gabe would LOVE this boat!

haha.nu

Men!

Remember: If you light a man a fire, you warm him for the night.

If you light a man ON fire, you warm him for the rest of his life.

Puke-O-Rama!!

Last night was a nightmare! The kids and I haven't been feeling well for days. We all went to the doctor on Wednesday night. Ty got perscribed some cough medicine and the doc said it was a viral bug that would pass. Well it passed all right. I had sent Ty to grandmas because I thought he was the worst and didn't want us all to get the sore throat and the kids and I crawled into bed at 8:00. At about 2 am, with my stomach in the kinks and headache from hell I just started to drift off when Shay woke me up with the curdling screams "I puked on my blanket". I got up, helped him hurl the rest in the toilet and cleaned up his bed, floor, hallway and bathroom where he missed the toilet... and brought him to the living room to lay on the couch and watch a movie with a big bucket. Ugh! So then I TRIED to go back to bed, not 20 minutes later, my puke-levy broke, I hurled my guts out for about 1/2 an hour and then went back to try to lay down and rest my tummy. Well not long after I heard Breanna FREAKING out, she puked too! So I go out into the living room where Shay was and there's Breanna....COVERED in puke, smushed all over her hair, face, clothes, couch, floor and some in Shays bucket!! EEP! So I threw her in the shower, cleaned up the couch, floor, hallway, bucket and clothes and went and sat with them. It was horrible. By this time it was 5:00 in the morning. It was SO FREAKING horrible. I am so tired. I just woke up at noon, went into the living room and there was MORE puke in the puke bucket. Breanna claimed it so I made her go dump it. (Sorry baby girl!) Well at least Tyler is feeling better...