OOOOH! A PACKAGE!- Updated!

I just got a call from a courier company saying they will be here with a package at 12:30!

I have no idea what it could be! No one has a birthday coming...It's got me drove! What could it be?

My imagination is running wild! So many possibilities in my head. Here are some of the best items I could possibly hope to be in that box!

1. Wonder Womans' golden lariat, the one that makes the ch ch ch ch ch ch sound. I wished for one once.
2. A cute sundress and matching flip flops.
3. Maybe a cat.
4. A brand new computer! Loaded. With Photoshop CS!!
5. A big gigantic cake...and then when I take off the lid, out! jumps my boyfriend...in flagrante delicto...ok I won't go there!
6. Sharks with fricken laser beams attached to their heads!

Hmm. This next 2 hours is going to be torture. I normally don't get packages, and usually if I do, it's from gran, and she tells me when to expect it, and calls to make sure I got it. So I'm pretty sure it's not from her...I'm going to go nuts.

Well if it's a *good* package, and I'm excited I'll post. But if it's, like, a severed horse head with threatening letter attached from the collection company that's been hounding me, (which it very well could be) I'll probably keep that to myself. Wish me luck!

IT'S BACKPACKS!!

Wow! Backpacks full of stuff for school... And I don't even know who they are from! What a nice surprise! Thank you phantom school supplier...whoever you are!

Sunday Morning Worship

The Culprit...he only looks all sweet and innocent here!

This morning I got up and made Shay oatmeal and waffles for breakfast, and poured myself a big mug of my infamous "turbo coffee". I only got to savor a few mouthfuls, and hadn't yet had a whole cigarette, when I got the grim news that Shay and Tyler, whilst fighting over the maple syrup, had dropped the bottle on the kitchen floor and made a huge mess. Upon further investigation, I discovered that not only was the KITCHEN floor covered in syrup, but that Shay had fled through the living room with the cracked bottle and made a trail of sugary mess all the way to the patio door and on the sofa. I said some things I probably have shouldn't. Then I felt kinda bad. I ended up down on my knees, scrubbing til my arms were shaky like jello all the while praying..."Oh God, let this trail of maple syrup come out unstained...so that my sons life shall be saved...Let not this scrubbing be in vain..." I think that still counts as prayer...does it?

THE BEST "One Time" EVER!

I have been told that THIS ONE is my very best story ever!!! This is completely true, another prime example of the wacky circumstances life throws at me.

BACKGROUND: When I was 19, 2 friends and I responded to the call of a newspaper ad seeking "Chambermaids" for the Voyageur Inn in Banff, AB. In about 2 weeks we arranged our affairs and we were off for our first huge adventure away from home. We had no idea what to expect but it didn't matter. PLAYA'S:

• Me
• Jan (friend)
• Pam (friend and Jans sister)
• Mick the Bartender
• Mick the Bellboy

It was our first payday from working at the hotel. Jan, Pam and I had made our move with only a few dollars each and had been broke since we got there, the past 2 weeks had been a little tough and we vowed that with our first paycheck that we would go get SMASHED!! So we decided to go bar hopping, even though Jan and I had to work at 5:30 am the next day.

We started at the Hotel because Pam had a crush on the bartender Mick and we thought maybe we could cajole him into having a few drinks with us. The previous evening we had gone to his condo for dinner and it was there that Pam had confessed her affection for the cute (& older...28 or 29 which is "older" when you're 19!) drink slinger and we thought it was great since she never really had a boyfriend and had never REALLY been kissed! Anyway, he agreed to meet up with us after his shift was over. We also invited the crazy alcoholic bellboy, also named Mick, just because he was a lot of fun. And really cute. So off we went.

We had a BLAST! I don't even remember most of the night, just that at that time, Long Island Ice Tea was my main drink and I even threw in, really, too many $2 paralyzers to the mix. We went to quite a few bars and I don't remember when 'bartender Mick' actually entered the picture, and 'bellboy Mick' had apparently passed out drunk in the lobby of the hotel a few hours ago, but somewhere around closing time Jan and I realized we had to be at work in a few hours and wanted to stagger back to our pad.

Pam and Mick were really hitting it off, and seemed to be getting pretty snuggly and touchy. When Jan and I told her we wanted to get going, she looked at us with this look I can't explain but will never forget, and she said she and Mick were going to stay out for a while.

Now, the day we arrived at the Hotel, we were taken aside by our supervisor Nancy who had informed us that within weeks of our arrival, a female employee who worked at our hotel had been raped and murdered after hooking up with a stranger, and we were actually cautioned that Banff was the rape capital of Western Canada so be really careful when we were out.

Having this in mind, and realizing we really didn't know much about this guy, I told Pam "great, have fun, but I am going to wait up for you, and we have to work in the morning, so PLEASE don't be too late." Jan and I made the 5 mile stumble home and decided to listen to tunes and wait for Pam. We waited...and waited...and waited. Jan passed out cold, I sat there on my bed, frequently drifting into a half concious slumber, and getting more worried every time I looked at the clock. Jan and I had to be at work at 5:30. Finally at 4:30 ish I lost it. I had kinda drifted off and when I opened my eyes and looked at the time I FREAKED! I went and jumped on Jan. "Jan! It's 4:30 and Pams not home yet! Oh my God! What could have happened!" Jan was a mess. We were running around trying to get dressed to go looking for her but I think we were both STILL drunk, running in circles like headless chickens. I was so worried, thinking somewhere out there our friend was missing or even worse. I sat down on my bed to put on my shoes, our ground floor window slid open and suddenly a projectile whizzed awfully close to my head. I looked. A SHOE! Then another. Then Pam herself. I couldn't believe it. I was beside myself with worry and immediately started to give her CRAP for not coming home. "do you know how worried we were about you...I told you I was going to wait...what the hell happened...I waited up all night... WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!!!!!" Then I stopped ranting for a second and just looked at her. Her really really long, really really curly, blonde hair was completely messed up and full of dirt and leaves. She had muddy tear streaks down her face, A cut on her eyebrow bone, her white sweater was ripped all down the front. For a minute, she just looked at me with this blank look on her face. Then she SAID EVER SO MATTER OF FACTLY... " I got hit by an elk"...then she started to cry! We all sat down and Pam told us of the events surrounding her brutal attack. She and bartender Mick had decided to go back to his condo which at the time was a fairly new development, and his new condo was built on a spot where Elk had their previous grazing grounds. And it was also Elk season, so every morning a huge herd of Elk traipsed down to his backyard and grazed and slept...whatever Elk do. Well she and Mick never *actually* made it to his condo. Being all drunk and smitten with each other, they decided home couldn't wait...nothing more romantic than being spontaneous and having a makeout session in the beauty of the outdoors!! So there they were, makin out all hot and heavy...When the sun broke to greet the day, they were ALSO greeted by a very hairy family of Elk. They were right on top of BIG PAPA ELKS little piece of property and HE WAS PISSED! The big papa elk charged them both, Pam first I think, his huge antler narrowly missing her eye and ripping her shirt right open. I guess she was thrown quite a distance. Mick wasn't so lucky, nursing broken ribs and being thrown even further than Pam. I don't remember ALL the details of the attack, but it was bad enough. And remember, she never really had a boyfriend and had never REALLY been kissed! Then Pam told us it got worse. Her purse, keys, cashed paycheque, and other stuff were still there in the bushes, and that WE needed to go get it! "Why didn't you grab it before you left", we asked. She said "because the big papa elk was lying right on top of it!". ACK!!! But we were detemined to get Pams purse back for her. Her whole check was in there, she came through the window because her keys were there too. This was not good! Jan and I had to be at work in like a half an hour now. We got dressed and made the 3 block trek to the crime scene.

There were elk EVERYWHERE. Big elks, medium elks, baby elks...There were at least 30 of them...we couldn't get closer than a half a block away, everytime we came near they would come closer too. We would back off and they would back off. We came closer and they would come closer. It was like a stand off. This drew some negative attention from big papa. We could see the little patch of tree and foliage where the purse supposedly was with a massive set of antlers protruding out, we were terrified to confront the big beast and had no idea how to retrieve the target.

We tried to scare them by running at them screaming and flailing our arms. That was fruitless. They just looked at us like "pffffttt. IIIIIIIIdiots!". We tried to circle around the back and find another way, but there WAS no other way. And papa hadn't budged. We found a shopping cart with one broken wheel and tried running down the street with it, pushing as fast as we could and trying to send it into the herd, sending them all fleeing in terror. But that didn't work either.

Time was ticking, we couldn't be late for work! Nancy was a tyrant and would fire anyone for anything at any time. We were about at our wits end when we heard this drunken howling echoing through the empty street. "What the heck is that??". Barely visible down the road we could see Bellboy Mick, staggering through the street, bouncing off the curbs, still in his bellboy uniform from the night before. (Remember he had passed out in our hotel lobby the night before?) He was singing really loud, reeked like booze, and seemed really happy to see us. We asked him if he had spent the whole night passed out on the lobby floor and he said yes. He also said he thought he was probably fired now, imagine that!

We told him of our dilemma and that we soon had to be at work, and he valiantly stepped up as our hero! Without any hesitation or fear, he ran straight through the herd to the bush, quickly found the purse and promptly returned it to us with a huge grin. I never saw Bellboy Mick again but I will NEVER forget that morning, his crumpled uniform or the grin he flashed when he handed me the purse. It was classic!

My employment at the hotel only lasted about 2 more weeks, but that was one of the best times of my life! So I hope you enjoyed my best "one time" ever!

The End!

People are really freaking me out today!

So today I had my first appointment with my lawyer. Yippeeeee! I made it in one piece...and one step closer to ending a bad chapter of my life. I was really hoping to get a nasty, bad ass, tough-as-nails kind of lawyer but he's quiet and nice, probably my age or close to. But he's gotten right down to business and really people, in the end it's all about RESULTS!

On the long trip back to pick up the peeps at my moms, I saw the freakiest thing I ever saw in my life.

I get on the bus and there's this guy sitting right up by the driver...and he's a mess. Picture this. About 55-60, DIRTY everywhere!!, smelled like pee pee and cheese, mass of curly matted messy greasy hair that was kinda flat on one side (like he was pressing the left side of his face and head up against a window) and thick hairs growing out of his face and ears... seemingly at random, yet nonetheless pretty grotesque. And he's sitting there with his head tilted back, eyes closed, and he's licking the tips of his dirty fingers. EEEEEWWWWWWWW! CAW!!!! Kinda like someone would do if they ate greasy chicken...but he was only licking the very tips of his dirty fingers, and at times seemed like he was ever so gently kissing them. I shudder at the thought.... He did this for the whole trip! It was utterly sickening! He probably doesn't even know where those fingers have been!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!! I don't even think he was AWARE that he was on a bus. So then I get home and I'm surfin blogs, and I happenchance upon this dude in Denmark. And he's saying how his wife won't *be intimate* with him, and she's had him *locked up* and that he would be *locked up* for 6 or 7 more days, and he's still wearing the cb2000. Oh ya, and... that he has a mistress. So I am thinking "poor guy. What kind of a monster is he married to"? And what the HECK is a cb2000? I had no idea but it just sounded very abusive! And no wonder he had a mistress! I was concerned about the *locked up* part and since there was only a few posts on the site I thought I'd leave him a friendly comment. I was just about to publish when I thought. Hmmm. cb2000. What the HELL is a cb2000. Maybe I should check. I shouldn't have checked. But I'm glad in a way I did because I saved myself some embarassment! A cb2000 is a male chastity belt. But saying "male chastity belt" makes it sound kinda nice and cushy and supportive, when really it's quite NOT! And the sophisticated locking ring mechanism is so easy to use...Look! The CB-2000 consists of 2 parts: Ring 'A':Is a round design eliminating any pinching or chaffing while being worn. There is a center recessed hole that accepts the locking pin. There are two side holes that accept the guide pins from the 'B' ring. The guide pins are designed to take the torque when one becomes erect. The 'A' ring comes in five different sizes: 1 1/2" I.D., 1 5/8" I.D., 1 3/4" I.D., 1 7/8" I.D. and 2.0" I.D. The five 'A' rings are included with each order. This helps to eliminate the need to find an exact size. Ring 'B': Again, is a round design. The 'B' ring has 2 guide pins that feed into the 'A' ring. The locking pin feeds from the 'A' ring through the 'B' ring and accepts either a small brass padlock or plastic lock for security. Rings 'C' and 'D':These two rings are connected by way of bars that connect to the 'B' ring. Rings 'B', 'C' and 'D' make up one complete unit. This cage portion encases the penis and attaches to the 'A' ring. Ring 'D':Two small bars go across the bottom of Ring 'D'. This prevents manual stimulation while still allowing use at the urinals. The Center Length of the Cage Portion is 2 1/2". The inside diameter is 1 1/2". Please take the size into consideration when ordering. Weight..CB-2000 weights less than 2 1/2 ounces completely assembled with the plastic lock. Various sized spacers are provided for the purpose of security and comfort according to the individual need. Locks: Brass Padlock: A durable brass padlock with 2 keys is provided with each order. Plastic Locks: Each order receives 5 plastic locks. Each lock is individually numbered to assure tamper proof. Once the plastic locks have been engaged the only method of removal is to cut the lock itself, they cannot be re-attached or glued back in place. Each CB-2000, CB-3000 and The Curve come in a beautiful stamped Gift Box. The product is wrapped in tissue paper. The perfect gift... that keeps on giving!

Now who wouldn't WANT that!!!!

Why do people do these strange things? WHY??

I just don't get it.

I've decided to keep my comments to myself...I don't think I need any more friends right now!

Check these out!

http://www.ezprezzo.com/crazypics/its_not_safe.html

Perhaps an Imminent Death

My computer is on it's last few dying breaths, I don't know how much longer it will hold out! About an hour ago my monitor completely died. Black screen of death. I tried to restart 5 times, changed all the contrast/brightness settings, nothing worked. My face went as white as the screen went black. "noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!" I screamed in my head, "this can not be!!" As I sat here in sulleny a part of me thought "maybe it's for the best, my hard drive is shot anyway..."But then I thought of all my work and thought... "noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! this can not be!!" I sat here, heart pounding, considering defeat, thinking "How? How? How do I fix this!! Ohmygod! no! How? How? How do I fix this!! I decided it was "fight or flight". I carefully raised my left hand... and with one last almost-defeated breath of hope I b-slapped the life back into my love/hate relationship. And I feel good about it.

Sometimes ya just gotta take charge!

The Pencil

Did you hear the one about the broken pencil?

...Nevermind. It's pointless!

The Cordoba

One Time...

My fiance who was working on the rigs wanted me to come out to his camp and spend a night with him at his trailor.

The previous week my car had died. Actually died isn't the word. The transmission dropped onto the road while I was driving it!

But that's another story.

So he gave me this Cordoba to drive until I found something else. It was horrible. It was so huge you could probably fit like 18 bodies in the trunk comfortably and I couldn't park it at all either. Not my favorite vehicle to drive.

I headed out after work so it was already getting dark. And I decided spur of the moment to show up kinda skantily dressed with a long coat overtop.

I popped in my Alanis Morrisette Jagged Little Pill tape and I was off.

Somewhere near Sruce Grove and Mary Jane, I started to hear this faint

"tap tap tap tap".

It was a steady tap, but I figured maybe there was something caught in the tire and it would soon dislodge and everything would be fine. On I drove.

But it kept getting worse. And highway 16 West is a DARK highway at night. And I had seen quite a few hitchhikers that night and one of them really creeped me out just the way he looked at me I guess.

"TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP"

The tapping was really getting loud, and seemed faster too. Now I am half dressed, alone on a dark highway, creeped out by a scary lone hitchhiker, I did not want to stop to see what it was.

Around this time people started pulling up next to me and smirking, even one lady pointed! By this time I'm picturing the Cordoba as like the Flinstones Airlines, with a big pteridatctal bird on top wondering if I would soon take flight.

I was completely frightened, with every passing stare of disbelief, I just hammered the gas and went faster. I JUST WANTED TO GET THERE!

I turned off finally onto the logging road to the lease. Suddenly the tapping almost went away...but as soon as I sped up, it started up again.

The noise was so loud by then even Alanis's pipes couldn't drown out the noise.

My heart pounding, I scanned the ditches in the dark for the tiny orange marker to turn

Finally I saw it...Precision 302...YES!!!

I took the corner too fast and fishtailed into the lease.

I could see my ex, about the size of my thumb, off near the cut line.

I floored it, a massive billowing trail of smoke and rock spitting from the gravel road behind me. I'm sure I looked like a lunatic.

As I neared, I saw him drop down to his knees and fall down to the ground.

Oh God! I was afraid to ask.

I pulled up to the ditch where my ex was wiping tears and holding his guts like he had a fatal case of salmonella poisoning and got out.

The beautiful cream colored rag that covered the top half of the car had slowly torn back during my drive and was draped over the back half of the cordoba like a big cape.

It wasn't tapping, it was FLAPPING!

Totally classic!

That was another one of the best laughs of my life. The ex even took the car and came down the road a few times just to show me how ridiculously funny it looked.

Yes...it could only happen to me!

The rare occasion I need to vent

Today I had a really rude awakening. I got a phone call saying the ASS who broke into my house is pleading not guilty! He already admitted to being in here when he was first arrested. The trial is in January.

I am fuming.

He has no idea what he's up against. This is all I have to say:

Dear M, There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them... you don't hesitate to speak your mind because you have nothing to lose. You have an inferiority complex - and it's fully justified. You're like one of those "idiot savants," except without the "savant" part. It is mind over matter. I don't mind, because you don't matter. I'd like to give you a going-away present ... but you have to do your part. Buh-bye.

It's that word thing!

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.

(Wait till you see the last one)

DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM

______________

*PRESBYTERIAN

When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER

_______________________

ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

_____________

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT

____________________

THE EYES

When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE

____________________

**GEORGE BUSH

When you rearrange the letters:

*HE BUGS GORE

______________________

**THE MORSE CODE**:

When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS

_________________

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the Letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

___________________

**ANIMOSITY:**

When you rearrange the letters:

IS NO AMITY

__________________

ELECTION RESULTS

When you rearrange the letters

:*LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

_____________________

**SNOOZE ALARMS:**

When you rearrange the letters:

**ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

________________

A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:

IM A DOT IN PLACE

______________

**THE EARTHQUAKES:

**When you rearrange the letters

THAT QUEER SHAKE

______________

ELEVEN PLUS TWO

When you rearrange the letters

TWELVE PLUS ONE

_________

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE...

**MOTHER-IN-LAW:**

When you rearrange the letters

*WOMAN HITLER*

Kids say...

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Ying to my Yang Thing

ODE TO T.dot

"WHAT IS A FRIEND??"

A friend does not care if you are a 5th generation landed immigrant or a geeky gawky teenager who wears faux-leather jumpsuits complete with black mesh to junior high on picture day.

A friend will be by your side day in and day out, especially in crisis situations and also because they knew you were serious when you said they couldn't leave anyway.

Friends don't care when they have to wash out their own glass everytime they come over to visit, because helping's what it's all about.

Friends don't judge each other for making bad judgement calls, especially where men are concerned. They tell you those famous words "you can do better".

Friends don't laugh at you when you get slammed in the back door of a bus and obtain a head injury. Well maybe at first, but then they'd be all like, concerned.

A true friend will help you to be able to laugh at yourself and not get upset when you laugh at them. It's all about the love.

"Friends don't let friends smoke in front of gas pumps!"(*remember the PO??:))

A friend will wear your warm uncomfortable sandals uphill on a hot night just cus you're getting blisters

A real friend will lie just to be able to pick you up at the airport!

A real friend will say I'm proud of you when you've done a good job

My very good friend Taylor is moving away from me in like 2 days!

I don't know what I am going to do without her around...

We've spent nearly every day for the past year or so together and in that relatively short period of time she has become like a sister.

We have stories that probably shouldn't be repeated but with every one came a huge laugh and unforgettable memory. I am going to miss her with all my heart.

This is probably the best laugh we ever had.

The shot was there, she had camera in hand...you couldn't not notice.

I'm sorry if I offend anyone, I'm just trying to show an example of *situations* we've come across. Saturday night past was a prime example but definately not something I'd post to the public...anyhoo...

Taylor I know you're going to read this so I wanted to say

Thank you!

Just for being the greatest friend I could ever ask for!

I'm so proud of you for taking this new journey in your life and I know

you're going to do so good, but I will miss you every day!

So my friend, you better keep in touch, and visit (since you're the one with the car)

I love you, Taylor {sniff}

Call me when you get there! :(

No one to tell

As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar order. He took the usual vows of poverty and chastity, but his order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he agreed and was finally ordained a priest. One exceptionally beautiful Sunday morning, the Reverend Father Norton woke up knowing that he just had to play golf. So he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick, asking him to take over the mass for that day. As soon as the associate pastor had left the room, Father Norton was out the door, headed for a golf course a couple of hours away (so he would not accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish). Setting up on the first tee, he was alone, utterly alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church. At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord and asked, "You are not going to let him get away with this, are you?"The Lord sighed, and answered, "No, I guess not." Father Norton hit the ball. It shot straight towards the pin, landed just short of it ... rolled up, and dropped neatly into the hole. It was a 420-yard hole in one! St. Peter was astonished: "Why in heaven did you let him do that?"The Lord smiled. "Who is he going to tell?"

Three Golfers

Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven. Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule: Don't hit the ducks. The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks "The ducks?" "Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are millions of ducks walking around the course and if one gets hit, he squawks then the one next to him squawks and soon they're all squawking to beat the band and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks, you'll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy." Upon entering the course, the men noted that there were indeed large numbers of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit one of them. The duck squawked, the one next to it squawked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck quacks. St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asked "Who hit the duck?" The guy who had done it admitted "I did."St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand. "I told you not to hit the ducks," he said. "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity." The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even uglier woman. St.Peter determined which one had hit the duck by the fear in his face and cuffed the man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand. I told you not to hit the ducks," he said. "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity." The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn't even move for fear of even nudging a duck. After three months of this he still hadn't hit a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three months and had with him a knock-out gorgeous woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled to the man and then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off. The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a sigh and said "What have I done to deserve this?" The woman responded "I don't know about you, but I hit a duck."

My Quote

On my trip, we had a book of quotes we carried along with us, and each meal time one of us was asked to pick a quote that stood out or meant something to them and read it aloud. This is the quote that I chose:

(and I truly believe it)

Each time a man stands up for an idea, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he send forth a tiny ripple of hope; and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance. Few are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet, it is the one essential vital quality for those who seek to change a world that yields most painfully to change. Robert Kennedy

More pics from my trip

Right after we scaled the mountain peak it had started to rain a bit. Well it was more of a soft sprinkle...but when we got down to the bottom, we were blessed with this beee-utiful rainbow. It was massive, and a perfect way to end the whole experience of the day!

The early mornings usually started off with yoga! That's me in the black. I'm even thinking of doing this on my own at home, I don't think I'd ever been more relaxed or at peace.

That's me!!

Apparently I've been told rock climbing is my calling! I made it up and down this wall in 7 min 20 seconds and was even nicknamed Spidergirl! What a rush! Definately not as easy as it may look, and I'm still hurtin but it was worth it.

One of the spots where we rested on the way to our camp.

I was joked about that I looked like a Eurpoean backpacker wearing my long johns with hiking boots and gators, but it was hot that day and I guess when you stink that bad you just don't care.

I made the GREATEST friend on this trip...everyone meet Dee, she's an amazing heart and spirit and I will remember her always!

I shared with her that I wanted to learn bellydancing and am planning on taking lessons...and it turned out she's a bellydancer! So she taught me some basics and some moves and graciously performed for our group on an old logging road.

She also constantly sang to me, usually in Russian, cus that's where she's from, and we even skinny dipped together in the freezing lake. A first for me, but I was dying from all the bug bites and the cold water seemed to do wonders for the swelling on my face!

Morning clouds ascending on our campsite right before the sun welcomed the day.

Eyes Wide Open

I DID IT!! Yep, that's me!! I got home last night, bruised, bitten, weather-beaten, sunburnt, exhausted, and really hungry for real food, but it's taken me until today to come back to the real world!

I had the most amazing trip ever. I think that it will take me a few posts to get in everything I wanted to share, but since I got home there's really one memory that has been on my mind constantly, and it was one of those huge life moments where suddenly you see things on a whole new level. So I wanted to share it with everybody.

Last Wednesday, we were each required to do a 24 hour *solo experience* for this trip. The instructors went around and chose isolated spots for everyone and we were allowed to have a few requests for how far we could handle being away and if we wanted to be near a lake or creek, etc, stuff like that. I had planned to draw on some rocks so I asked to be further away where I had some good surfaces. Anyway, my spot ended up being in a dried up old waterfall bed nestled between 2 peaks, one side was treed and the other was rock with a nice grassy platform a few feet up. Then, if I walked near the top of the old waterfall bed, I had an amazing view of 3 mountains, and 7 amazing waterfalls. If I walked down the bed I looked down into the small valley and could see the tents in our camp and the lakes. I had the best of 2 worlds, both spectacular.

The only downfall was the bugs. They were horrible. Pine beetles, red ants, misquitos, horseflys, regular flies, spiders, PREGNANT SPIDERS, beetles, things I've never even dreamed could exist. ...you name it. And each new species I discovered seemed to get BIGGER AND BIGGER. I spent most of my time in a full body bug net, but they even got into there, and during the night I was attacked and when I woke up I had bites all over my cheekbones that swelled up pretty good. The worst one was from a horsefly, which made me even more freaked out, and bothered me the most because they seemed to buzz SO LOUD.

So, moving along, I didn't sleep very well and I was awake long before the sun, and I greeted it from a rocky cragg overlooking my waterfalls, wrote a little and basked in the beauty of it all until the underworld of pestilence arose from their evil breeding ground and sniffed me out.

I'm sure it wasn't too difficult.

So I decided to retreat to the partial safety of my bug net. I grabbed my oh so comfortable rubber mat I had to sleep on, and my sleeping bag and headed up to the grassy flat on the rock side which was one of the only spots where the sun could reach in my little creek bed.

But the bugs were relentless. I seemed to attract the horseflys the most and hearing the loud buzzing constantly was driving me insane. I was scared of getting bit again. And even at the time I was thinking... I have done everything I have so far with no fear, spent the night alone on a mountain...how dumb is this to be scared of those stupid horseflys. I just climbed into my sleeping bag, put the net over the upper half of my body the best I could and drifted off into an on again off again snooze. Every once in a while I would feel something crawling on me or crawl in with me (they're crafty suckers) and I couldn't wait for the next 8 hours to pass. I got caught up in the moment of being resentful and irritated and frankly quite cranky.

Then, out of nowhere I heard this buzzing whiz by my head. Nothing like the horseflys, Nothing like I had never heard in my life. And I thought HOLY CRAP thats one big mother horsefly...and if it isn't!!! What in the world could fly that fast and sound like a fricken lawnmower, and if it SOUNDED like a fricken lawnmower, Oh my god, I was scared to death what it would look like and most of all how big were the teeth.

I squinched my eyes closed as tight as I could and balled up in my bag, and for about 15 minutes every few minutes I would hear these razor fast wings coming dangerously close to me, and I didn't want to look to see what it was, and I couldn't wait for it to end. When it did, I packed up my things and went back down to my tarp and slept in there.

Later on that afternoon, as we all got back to the base camp, another woman on the trip came up to me and said she saw me sleeping in the sunshine up in the rocks.

I grumbled "ya, it was horrible, I couldn't sleep up there, I was getting eaten alive up there, and I heard the most god awful buzzing noises all around me."

"Ya", she said, "those were HUMMINGBIRDS. They must have a nest up there in the rocks or something."

I was completely speechless, and SO disappointed in myself. For those few fifteen minutes up there I let fear take me over and I probably missed out on the most beautiful and amazing experiences I could have in my life.

I closed my eyes. I didn't get to see the hummingbirds, and I will regret that for the rest of my life.

So I have decided that from now on, no matter what, no matter where I am, or what's going on around me to discourage me, there is so much all around to see if I can look past it, and up and forward, and I'm not going to close my eyes in fear anymore. And just being able to learn that in such an amazing way made all the bug bites kinda worth it. I'm proud of my battle scars, and greatful I was able to be there and have this life lesson.

YoDeL-Ay-He-HoO!

That's stuck in my head. Maybe because I am going on my hiking trip in about 48 hours.

Yes correct, I am officially completely insane. I was *supposed* to start training with a 60 lb backpack like 5 MONTHS AGO, but did I listen? Noooooooooo, I did not. Dillusions of physical adequecy or new-found confidence??!...well it's hard to tell. But I've never been one to turn down a challenge. And I can handle just about anything. "Except intolerance to other peoples cultures. And the Dutch. " :) I am teetering on the brinks of being completely terrified to the other extreme of excitement and anticipation. It's an emotional see saw. I've felt from the very beginning I was meant to go, and I can't wait. I think it's cool to do something brave that you're scared to do. Like when I went skydiving. It's empowering. And I've climbed so many mountains of my own this past year I guess I just think this will be gravy. And even if not, I think of what I tell my kids all the time..."Just because something is hard, it doesn't mean you can't do it. It means you have to try harder." Part of me right now wants to kick myself in the ass for saying that and the other half feels like I deserve a pat on the back. I can't stand this internal bickering. Maybe I'll kick myself in the back and be done with it. Someone used to tell me that all I am is just a pretty face, and other than that I was nothing, that people didn't like me and if they did, once they got to know the *real* me they wouldn't like me anymore. For so long those words held me back, in every way possible. And even sometimes now when I'm not paying attention they'll try to creep back but I don't listen anymore. All I know for sure is this was meant to be. And whether I go and do it, or die trying, (where's some WOOD! Knock on wood!), it's just another part of my journey and I'm sure if I do make it back I'll be a little different of a person. It is my mission on this trip to take every bit of anger, bitterness, resentment, rage, disappointment and negativity I've felt in the last 6 years and find it and use it as my fuel... I'll have a jet pack. So to all those who think I don't have it in me to do this, I only have 9 words for you... Yodel-ady, yodel-ady, yo-de-lay-hee hoo! Yodel-ady, yodel-ady, yo-de-lay-hee hoo! Yodel-ady, yodel-ady, yo-de-lay-hee hoo! See you all August 5th!

Check out PostSecret

( PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. )

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Wicked Illusions

Good Security Measures

How to install a wireless security system:

1) Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair. 2) Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. 3) Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dish. 4) Leave a note on your front door that says something like:

"Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammo - back in 15 minutes. Don't disturb the Pitbulls, they've just been wormed and are mad as hell." Signed: Billy Bob.

Twelve Books...

Twelve Books You’ll Never See In A Bookstore … taking into account the authors and the books’ titles

1. How to Pleasure a Woman – by Mike Tyson 2. Words I’ve Never Mispernounced – by George W. Bush 3. Pacifist’s Guide to World Domination – by Cindy Shehan 4. Things I’ve NEVER Lied About – by Bill Clinton 5. Prudent Shotgun Handling – Dick Cheney 6. Why America Is Just THE BEST – The Dixie Chicks 7. Things I Absolutely Love About President Bush – Michael Moore 8. My Strategy for Finding the Real Killer — by O.J. Simpson [Forward by Scott Peterson] 9. To All the Men We’ve Loved Before — by Ellen DeGeneres & Rosie O’Donnell 10. The Book of Baby Names – by George Foreman 11. My Beauty Secrets – by Jane Reno [Forward by Madeleine Albright] 12. Things I Love About Bill – Hillary Clinton [Forward by Ann Coulter]

Free Fallin'

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

This is me skydiving at the Westlock, AB airport...that's the runway down below.

By far that was probably the scariest thing I've willingly done.

Taylor and I want to go this summer so if anyone else wants to join in let me know!

Love Quiz

1. You are walking to your boyfriend/girlfriend's house. There are two roads to get there. One is a straight path which takes you there quickly, but is very plain and boring. The other is curvy and full of wonderful sights on the way, but takes quite a while to reach your loved one's house. WHICH PATH DO YOU CHOOSE? Short or long? 2. On the way, you see two rose bushes. One is full of white roses. One is full of red roses. You decide to pick 20 roses for your boyfriend/girlfriend. WHAT COLOR COMBINATION DO YOU CHOOSE? (Any combination including all one color is fine.) 3. You finally get to your boyfriend/girlfriend's house. You ring the bell and the maid answers. You can ask the maid to please get your loved one, or you may go get them yourself. WHICH ACTION DO YOU TAKE? Ask the maid or do it yourself? 4. Now, you go up to your girlfriend/boyfriends room. No one is there. You can leave the roses by the windowsill, or on the bed. WHERE DO YOU PUT THE ROSES? Bed or window? 5. Later, its time for bed. You and your loved one go to sleep, in separate rooms. You wake up in the morning, and go to your boyfriend/girlfriend's room to check up on him/her. You enter the room: IS HE/SHE AWAKE OR SLEEPING? 6. It's time to go home now, and you start to head back. You can take either road home now: The plain, boring one thats gets you home fast; or the curvy, sight-filled road that you can just casually take your time with. WHICH ROAD DO YOU CHOOSE? Short or long? Analysis 1. Which road do you choose to take to your love's house? The roads represent your attitude towards falling in love. If you chose the short one, you fall in love quickly and easily. If you chose the long one, you take your time and do not fall in love easily. 2. What combination of roses do you choose to give your love? The number of red roses represent how much you expect to give in a relationship. The number of white roses represent how much you expect in a relationship. Therefore, if a person chose all red with one white, he/she gives 90% in the relationship but expects to receive only 10% back. 3. Do you ask the maid to get your love, or do you do it yourself? This question shows your attitude in handling relationship problems. If you asked the maid to get your loved one, then you may beat around the bush, maybe asking a third party to intervene. Avoidance of problems runs high. If you went and got your loved one yourself, then you are pretty direct. If there is a problem, you confront it and deal with it. You want to work it out right away. 4. Where do you put the roses? On the windowsill or on the bed? The placement of the roses indictate how often you'd like to see your boyfriend/girlfriend. Placing the roses on the bed means you need lots of reassurance in the relationship, and you'd want to see your loved one every day, if possible. Placing the roses by the window show that you don't expect or need to see your loved one that often; seeing them just once in a while is OK. 5. Do you find your love asleep or awake? Finding your boyfriend/ girlfriend asleep: You accept your loved one the way they are. Finding them awake: You expect him/her to change for you. 6. Which road do you choose to go home? The short and long roads now represent how long you stay in love. If you chose the short one, you fall out of love easily. If you chose the long one, you tend to stay in love for a long time.

Oh my, can I actually be 33?

Well this is me in my thirty-somethings. Yikes. Well...I actually feel younger than I did at the same time last year but I guess being reasonably happy can do that for you sometimes. Last night I was thinking about where I was a year ago today and it amazes me the lengths I have come in such a short period of time. And how different EVERYTHING is. I could never even have imagined where I'd be to this day. But I'm glad, and things are finally coming together. Makes me want to post something inspirational. Sometimes we just need to be reminded! A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air. My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our life we are dropped, crumpled and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.

The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or whom we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special-Don't EVER forget it." If you do not pass this on, you may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope that it can bring. Count your blessings, not your problems, and remember: amateurs built the ark ... professionals built the Titanic.

And my best advice is GROW A SENSE OF HUMOR PEOPLE!!!!!

Have a great day everyone!

Wendelinas' Canada Day Galleria

This was my first Canada Day Celebration in AGES!!

Although I was sick and miserable with an earache, I decided to rough it and show some patriotism for our awesome country!

My man and I took the train downtown, met up with Tay and went for drinks at a little pub on 109 street. There we met up with a very jolly Irish chap named Mike. Mike had a very thick Irish accent and seemed to like speaking in lymerick, and spoke very highly of his wooden-legged wife named "Peg".

Then we watched the fireworks from the High Level Bridge. Very nice but altogether not very long.

Afterwards, we thought it a fine idea to go down to Whyte Ave.

So we walked.

To Whyte Ave.

Seemed smart in the beginning.

But that was already after I took a couple sudafed and Tylenol and had a few rum & 7's.

Taylor had stupid leather sandals so halfway up Connors Hill I had to trade her shoes so her feet wouldn't hurt. It took FOREVER. Partway up the hill Taylor ran into some very sociable Edmontonians who even gave her a few shots of rum, but Craig and I missed out because we were racing to the top of the stairs. (I wish I had my camera out then, because Craig won, and even did the "Rocky" at the top, even yelling "AAAADDDRIAAAAAAN!")

So anyways, we decided to go to the Atlantic Trap and Gill, which is of course...A Newfie Bar.

(I've never been there, but I have on occasion waited to get in but the line was always too long so I never actually went in) I'm standing in line when who do I see but my old friend and coworker FRANCIS! And then we see Craigs friends at the back of the line. Woo hoo!

It was really fun but last call came way too early. We left shortly after 2 and somehow to ruin the perfect day, we all lost Craig. I was devastated! We waited, and looked, and waited some more, but to no avail. I lost my baby! I ended up going home, wondering what happened, not knowing if he would ever even speak to me again :) but he did, and now we have this wonderful memory! (If you leave out the whole ending part!)

But I'm still paying for it. Going out whilst sick completely crashed my immune system and now I am suffering but hopefully the antibiotics will kick in soon so the fever and sweats go away. Ugh! Yesterday was the worst. It was as if the fiery hands of satan himself reached into my head and started squeezing all the leftover religion from my childhood, burning me up, sweat rolling off my forehead onto my pillow and a puddle down the back of my shirt. If I had the strength to get up I probably would have dialed an exorcist.

Anyways, that's about all, I finished reformatting the other day and now I'm going to be getting back to work. Hope y'all had a great long weekend!

My complaint about The flow

My computer generated complaint about Womens "monthlies..."

Let's start this letter with a little quiz: 1. How scornful can The flow be? 2.Where is The flow's integrity? 3. Essay: Compare and contrast The flow's reports to those of the worst kinds of arrogant spielers I've ever seen, focusing especially on who is more likely to contaminate or cut off our cities' water supply. Don't worry; I'll give you all the answers throughout the course of this letter as well as a wealth of other information about The flow. Let me begin by citing a range of examples from the public sphere. For starters, The flow either is or elects to be ignorant of scientific principles and methods. It even intentionally misuses scientific terminology to create an inconsiderate world of guilt and shame. And that, in my view, is our real problem.

My complaint about My kids

My computer generated complaint

about my kids...

This is so funny!!

I undeniably hope My kids give this letter five minutes of its precious cappuccino-sipping, cancer-stick-puffing time. Some background is in order: I am not concerned with rumors or hearsay about My kids. I am interested only in ascertained facts attested by published documents, and in these primarily as an illustration that one must consider the semiotics of charlatanism in order to fully understand My kids's litanies. Am I aware of how My kids will react when they read that last sentence? Yes. Do I care? No, because there's a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There's a time to love and a time to hate. There's a time for war and a time for peace. And, I claim, there's a time to fight scurrility and slander. Or, to put it less poetically, My kids claim to be fighting for equality. What they're really fighting for, however, is equality in degradation, by which I mean that My kids intend to create a new social class. Hotheaded hackers, fork-tongued pinheads, and vitriolic, sententious prima donnas will be given aristocratic status. The rest of us will be forced into serving as their myrmidons. As if you didn't know, if My kids think that they can make me get fired from my job, then it's barking up the wrong tree. My kids's claim that it is better that a hundred thousand people should perish than that it should be even slightly inconvenienced is not only an attack on the concept of objectivity, but an assault on the human mind. This probably does not affect your daily life, but it is a fact. It must be pointed out over and over again to My kids's intimates and, in a broader sense, to incoherent heresiarchs that My kids's favorite tactic is known as "deceiving with the truth". The idea behind this tactic is that it wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to shatter the adage that children should belong to the state. I am not going to go into too great a detail about the worst classes of self-satisfied, wild publishers of hate literature there are, but be assured that the concepts underlying My kids's obtrusive, pigheaded perceptions are like the Ptolemaic astronomy, which could not have been saved by positing more epicycles or eliminating some of the more glaring discrepancies. The fundamental idea -- that the heavens revolve around the Earth -- was wrong, just as My kids's idea that two wrongs make a right is wrong. The end.

Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator

This is the best site I have seen in a long time!!

Have a complaint about someone, having trouble putting your feelings into words? Try this!

It is hillarious!

http://www.pakin.org/complaint

My Work of Art

Cleverly named "Windy"

...this piece was inspired by the makers of Sudafed,

NyQuil and Amoxicillin, all of whom I had the pleasure

of meeting after I returned from the doctor yesterday...

Maybe a little too much pleasure??